This is kind of a long post, but I encourage EVERY woman out there who is in a relationship or plans to be in one to read this book. It taught me a lot and I know it can teach you as well.
For our 2 year anniversary, my in-laws gave J and I correlating books. I got "For Women Only" and he got "For Men Only."
They are books about the inner feelings and thoughts of the opposite gender.
J started reading his while he was out of town for 2 weeks. He talked about it a bunch to me and said I needed to start reading mine. So I started. I took my time at first since I was reading another book. But then it really started to get me interested. I read at least a chapter a day.
What I liked to do is read the chapter, decide my feelings and what I think J feels as well, and then ask him. I'd ask him the survey questions, see how he felt about quotes, and then put it into my brain for safekeeping.
There are 9 chapters.
The first one is an introduction. She tells you about how many surveys she did, how many men she asked questions, and how she came to realize the different things in her book.
Chapter 2 is about respect. How men really need respect and it's like how much women need love. They feel like love is the same as respect. That's how they want us to show our love is by respecting them in private and especially in public.
This is something I feel like I've tried my hardest to do since day one. J's sister sent us a letter when we were engaged about being married. The biggest thing she said that stuck with me was to love and support your partner when you're around your friends. Don't tease him, don't argue, and work to be their biggest advocate.
Chapter 3 talks about how men feel like they have to perform all of the time. They need to do their best or people will discover they know nothing about it.
It was interesting to ask J about this. I think he feels it some of the time, but there were a lot of men who felt like impostors at home, work, play, everywhere. It was rather shocking, actually.
Chapter 4 talks about a man's need to provide even if the woman provides a bit as well. The need is just part of how men are. Not learned at all. So crazy. In the men's book, it talks about how men want to provide financially no matter what and if you are financially stable, you can then handle any emotional problems you may have. The majority of women (me included) feels like they'd rather have financial hardship than relationship problems. It was an eye-opening chapter for both of us.
Chapter 5 talks about sex. About how men need it to feel loved and if a woman is only providing it because he wants it, then it's not making him feel loved. The chapter on sex in the man's book is very true as well and I agreed with the majority of women with just about everything in it.
Chapter 6 talks about how men visualize everything. Even the woman that he just saw is now imprinted in his mind. It was a tough chapter to read. It made me sad to think that any man would see a good-looking woman and then think about her randomly the next day. It's hard to believe, but true. I think the best thing I did with this chapter was talk to J. I asked him questions, decided on how to act, and will be doing my best to do that.
Chapter 7 was about romance. She says that men think that they are romantic. They like to be romantic but like it differently than women do. The biggest thing is that going outside to play a game is romantic to men. I asked J and his friend who was with us for a temple trip their opinions on this and they completely agreed. Doing things that the husband likes to do makes him feel loved and it's romantic to them. So me playing Halo, soccer, shooting a bow and arrow, playing D&D, and all of that stuff that J loves makes him happy. He feels romanced the way I do when he holds me or goes on a walk with me or watches the sunset. I think that chapter will change the way I respond to him and things he wants to do.
Chapter 8 Scared me. It was titled "The Truth About the Way You Look" and had a warning beforehand to pray. She wanted women to have the spirit of the Lord with them while they read so that they would be understanding and willing to listen to the men they love.
It talked about how when a woman is satisfied with how she looks, making an effort to look pretty, and happy with herself, he is happy. He finds that attractive.
Chapter 9 was about what men want women to know the most but can't quite figure out how to say it. It was how much he loves his wife/significant other. It made me cry. It was very sweet and heartfelt. The men's book was the same for the concluding chapter and had some very sweet quotes as well.
Sorry for such a long post. I tried to break it up with spaces so it'd be easier to read. I really enjoyed the book. I highly recommend reading it. She was very good at being sympathetic as she wrote, she used scripture references, and it spoke to Christian women. I think anyone could read it though-Christian or not.
Go try it out! You'll learn a lot and hopefully grow in your relationship with your spouse. (or boyfriend...etc) ;)
2 comments:
Thanks for reading it honey. I also very highly recommend that men read the For Men Only. It took the what seems to be impossible women mind and made it easy to understand. It talked about the important things we can do to make us better husbands.
I loved the book too. I read both the man and woman books. The book about the inner thoughts of women wasn't very interesting to me because it wasn't new and completely the way I felt. But reading about the workings of a man's mind was enlightening! I've given it/recommended it to many a friends! I've actually lost it and don't remember who I gave it to. I want to read it again. It's a good reminder often about how your husband/father/boyfriend/son thinks. Any woman who interacts with any man/boy should read this book. It makes life so much easier to understand.
P.S. I think men are more complicating than women. ;)
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