Grown-up

I remember alllll of those days when I was little, wishing I was a grown-up. Wishing I could buy all of my own treats, whatever cereals I wanted that day, whatever toy I "needed..." Wishing I could have my own kids to look after.

In college, I felt more prepared to be a mommy than a wife...

Now that I'm a wife, I'm not so thrilled with being a grown-up.

I don't like buying groceries. I honestly love going by myself because it's my time in public, but still alone. But I don't like trying to figure out the best way to spend our money. I don't like having to choose between the tastier one and the cheaper one. Can't they all be tasty? and cheap?

I have never liked money. I think it's evil, honestly. I love having it, and I'm thankful for all I have because of it, but I don't like it. It's hard to deal with, hard to keep, and everything's expensive.

In high school, whenever anyone tried to tell me how to manage money, my mind turned off. I stopped listening. When people tried to explain equity, interest, loans, grants, scholarships, and down payments, I just got really confused. Therefore, I only listened tow what I felt was important then and there...scholarships. I figured that was more imminent.

I've complained to my mom and sister that I don't really like being a grown-up. It's hard!! Big decisions! Big, life-altering choices!!

Over the last couple of weeks, J and I have made some major decisions.

First was to look for a house.

Eventually, we will grow out of this place we're living and lots of renting costs more than a mortgage these days with smaller houses.

Second, we decided to look at houses.

A big step from looking FOR to looking AT...

Third was we found the house.

It was bank owned, so we needed to act FAST! That day, in fact. So that day, we decided to go for it.

Fourth was to bid on that house.

OH MY GOODNESS!!!

Bidding is a scary thing!! We bid on the house to get in the running for it. We knew it would go like hotcakes since they wanted to close on it by Halloween and that there was another bidder. We didn't get to know what their bid was, but the way it works with this house is that we bid to get our names in there. Then, the owner of the home (the bank) sends us an email asking for our final and best offer, so we can up our bid. We still don't get to know what the other bids are. It is scary! So this was the first bid to get our names in there.

Fifth was a scary one. We chose our final and best offer.

On this upcoming weekend, we have general conference for our church. It's a time where we watch on tv our leaders as they speak to us. It's a WONDERFUL weekend and I can't wait. So this week, we had fast and testimony meeting because the first Sunday would be conference. So J and I fasted on Sunday. We fasted for our house to know what to bid.

We kept on getting the same numbers in our head. So we went with that.

Sixth was emailing the final and best offer to our realtor.

It's a big deal to tell someone you'll pay a large amount. It's a lot of money. When we emailed her our final and best, she called J and told him we should go higher. So I called my mom in hysterical tears, worried sick. I didn't know what to do.

Seventh was deciding again what our final and best offer would be.

I talked to my mom, J talked to his mom, and we then talked to each other, said a prayer, I cried some more, and I drove to his work. Whatever we decided, I still had to sign papers to give to our realtor.

So I bawled, let it all out, blew my nose, and drove the 20 minutes to Scentsy. My wonderful cousin called me on my way and noticed immediately that something was wrong. I told her I couldn't talk about it without losing it again. As we talked, I was able to tell her without once getting that golf ball in the back of my throat. She sympathized, and told me it would all work out the way it should. Heavenly Father was looking out for me.

I have a wonderful family.

So we decided to keep our final and best where we had it. It was what the spirit was pushing us towards, and what felt more comfortable. Sure, the other price would've been only $15 more per month than our final choice, but we still felt right about it. Either we were prompted to do the lesser one so we could get it and not break our wallets, or we were prompted to do the lesser one so we could not get it and find a better one.

So lots of big kid decisions!!

We find out if we got it on Thursday. I'm scared we'll be turned down, and excited we'll be accepted. It's a scary, difficult position to be in. But I know that my Lord is watching out for me.

When I grabbed my keys to go to sign papers with J, I thought, "I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me." It's kind of my theme-scripture right now.

I've asked for prayers that we'll get it or that if we don't get it, that we'll be able to be strong and find what we really need. But mostly that what happens is the Lord's will. He knows better than I do where my hubby and I should live. He knows my future and where I need to go to get there. He loves me and is watching out for me and I know that.

So please pray for us this week! I'll let you know what happens.